We often ask ourselves: Whose life are we living? Are we pursuing the things that really matter to us, and that give our lives personal meaning, or are we living according to other people's wishes?
In their work, psychologists observe many people's struggles to become who they were meant to be. (0) It requires considerable courage and dedication. As E. E. Cummings said: "To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
Our personalities are under attack from several sources: primarily from pain and rejection throughout childhood and adolescence, but also due to struggles in personal relationships, the damaging forces of society, and existential realities that affect all people. (19) . And this involves hard work.
First, we need to eliminate the negative thoughts and attitudes towards ourselves and others that we adopted earlier in life. (20) One involves identifying those critical inner voices through voice therapy, which is the process of putting into words the thoughts that are responsible for a person's behaviour. Another turns them into constructive thoughts and actions. (21) . Only then can we start expressing our own point of view, and challenge the power of the voices of our parents or peers.
Secondly, we need to change our personality traits that are a reflection of the negative traits of our parents and relatives. For example, in his therapy sessions a man was troubled when he heard the same words of criticism coming out of his mouth when talking to his son that his father had used when speaking to him. (22) . They were absolutely sure they never would. Changing unpleasant personality characteristics such as vanity, self centredness, superiority, contempt... is a healthy way of saying goodbye to our past.
Third, to get rid of the more childish aspects of our personality, we need to give up the patterns of behaviour we developed while growing up, such as jealousy, envy, selfishness. It is interesting that the shields we formed to protect ourselves in the past now limit us in our adult lives. Many people cling to this out-dated way of responding to others and remain emotionally trapped in a kind of time warp. (23) . We also need to give up the hope of ever finding, in a new relationship, the love and security we missed as children. We are, actually, saying goodbye to childhood and trying to live as adults.
Lastly, we need to develop our own values, ideals, and beliefs rather than automatically accept those that we grew up with or those of our culture. (24) . This is the only way to resist the pressures of society and create a meaningful existence.
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