Each and every day, life presents us with numerous situations in which we need to make decisions and face the consequences, both good and bad. (0) Yet, despite vast practice and experience, many people often encounter problems in this area. From the trivial picking of what to watch on Netflix to a life-altering career change - it is a struggle without compare.
The ability to make decisions effectively and confidently is not a personality trait or a genetic gift. It is a skill that can be developed and improved. The best way to build it is to recognise that feelings of anxiety, uncertainty and fear of making mistakes, along with the inability to control everything, are entirely normal experiences. (19) Engaging in decision-making plays a crucial role in fostering self-confidence and maturity, whereas avoiding this process leads to more harm than good in the long term.
Among the few common causes that can prevent a person from making decisions effectively, fear of uncertainty is the most prevalent one. From an evolutionary point of view, our ancestors had a good chance of survival in a familiar environment. (20) It is a mistake, though, to view this uncertainty as anything more than a common occurrence. Threatening as it might seem, it happens to everybody and as a species, we are strong enough to survive it.
Uncertainty makes us feel anxious. Both our body and brain strive to eliminate that feeling and obtaining confirmation is one of the most common methods of achieving this. (21) Thereby, we positively counteract crippling anxiety since we shift away from ourselves a significant part of the responsibility for not making the best decisions. Initially, this move might calm us down.
(22) .We send ourselves an undermining message that we are incapable and dependent and that anxiety itself is very dangerous. Anxiety, however, is a common occurrence, not a threat!
"What if I fail and make a mistake?" - often looms in our minds prior to finally deciding on something important. People sometimes dread mistakes because they might have been unfairly punished for them or they might have strived to be flawless throughout their lives. (23) Undoubtedly though, most mistakes only lead to minor discomforts or learning opportunities, which are, truth be told, not so terrible to experience. So, we need to explode the myth that every mistake is 'expensive', dangerous, and terrifying. Instead, they should be accepted as common tools for better judgement.
If we want to improve our decision-making skills, we need to develop a tolerance for the feelings of helplessness and lack of control that come with the process. Though being in charge is generally beneficial, not all things and events in life are under our control. (24) In reality, though, by obsessing over them, we undermine our self-confidence. An indecisive person will spend hours, days, maybe even weeks deciding on something, wrongly thinking that by brooding over it, they might gain more control. A confident decision-maker accepts the fact that they are helpless in certain situations and directs their energy towards making the right decision and creating the circumstances they can influence.
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